


Capable of Loving (Someone Like Me)

by juststoriesintheendsweetie



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Comfort, Explanation, F/F, Flashbacks, Letters, Swan Queen - Freeform, True Love, baby blanket, how regina got the blanket
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-03
Updated: 2015-10-03
Packaged: 2018-04-24 15:22:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,585
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4924804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juststoriesintheendsweetie/pseuds/juststoriesintheendsweetie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Regina goes to get Emma's baby blanket to use as a portal guide. While pulling it out of her dresser, she has a flashback to when Emma gave it to her. Regina and Emma both go on to explain how this came to be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Portal

**Author's Note:**

> The asterisks above the name of the character speaking indicate time.  
> One asterisk (*) indicates present day.  
> Three asterisks (***) indicates a flashback to the day Regina got the blanket.  
> Four asterisks (****) indicates a flashback prior to getting the blanket to the day(s) Regina and Emma first kissed and then quit talking.
> 
> I do not own OUAT or it's characters.

*

Regina

At the information that I would need something of Emma’s to create this portal and find her, I had run off in search of her baby blanket.

Here it was - hidden in the back of the center drawer of my dresser. Sighing, I picked it up and ran my hands over it; taking in every single stitch. Unbidden, my pointer finger traced her name.

“Emma.”

The name slipped out of my mouth in a breath and a sob caught in my throat. Lifting up the blanket to bury my face inside of it seemed the most natural thing to do at that moment.

As I inhaled deeply I couldn’t stop my mind from ripping me away and escorting me back to when Emma gave her blanket to me…


	2. 36 Days

***

Regina

Just over a month ago. Was that really all the time that had passed?

I ripped another page off the tiny block calendar and sighed, an action which had become all too familiar in these past 36 days. I wanted to call her, to explain, just to hear her voice.

Apparently, though, the only real friendship I’ve ever had where the other party knew me as Regina and not the Evil Queen, was wrecked. All because I was a complete idiot (how often had I called her that and now it applied to me?).

“Kissing the damn Savior, Regina. Seriously? Mother always said love is weakness. You should have listened. If you had, maybe you’d be on speaking terms with her.”

“Mom? What’s going on? Who are you talking to?”

Henry must have woken up and looking at the counter I realized why. I had been banging cups around - so hard I cracked one - in my frustration at myself.

“Henry!” Kissing the top of his head, I brushed aside his question. “Do you want pancakes or biscuits for breakfast?”

“What? Pancakes, always…but seriously Mom who were you talking to? Did something happen?” His face looked so perplexed and I knew he wondered why Emma hadn’t been around lately, why exchanges had only been him waiting for one of us at Granny’s, why no movie nights had happened.

“Oh…nobody Henry. Don’t worry about it.”

He rolled his eyes and I knew he didn’t believe me. After giving me a quick hug, he walked out the door for school, and I was left reminiscing about that night.

***

Emma

_Beep…beep…beep…_

“Agghhhh….”

I rolled over and flopped my hand around the nightstand, not bothering to open my eyes.

_BEEP. BEEP. BEEP._

The volume just continued to increase and I was forced to let my irises see the light of day. Grabbing the ponytail holder from my bedside table I sat up and pulled my hair back. Leaving the alarm clock beeping helped me make myself actually stand up, where I slapped the clock with such force that it actually cracked.

“Great. One more thing I’ve broken.”

It was 36 days ago that Regina kissed me and I had dismissed her advances. It wasn’t that I wasn’t over the moon in love with her (I was, I am) but she was distraught, vulnerable. I didn’t want to hurt her.

“She doesn’t love you, Emma, get over yourself. You probably don’t even really love her.”

I rolled my eyes because even I didn’t believe my words.

****

Regina

Snow had just killed my mother and though I understood how abusive the relationship was, Cora was still…well, anyway, I wasn’t doing well.

For reasons still unknown to me, Emma had said she was going to come home with me and make sure I got to bed alright. In no state to argue, I simply poofed us back to the mansion; where I proceeded to shove off her attempts to help.

“I’m fine Swan.”

“Regina, my mother just murdered your mother. To save the Dark One’s life. You’re not fine.”

I rolled my eyes, a habit I had picked up from Henry and - annoyingly - her.

“Now, I’ll go grab us some cider and you go…I don’t know, take a shower or something.”

Though I wanted to scoff at Emma telling me what to do, I begrudgingly admitted that I did need to stand under some hot water. Frankly, a drink wasn’t something I was about to say no to either.

****

Emma

When Cora died, I was worried about Regina. Honestly. I wasn’t sure what came over me (I’m still not) but I made a firm statement that I’d be escorting her home.

Truthfully, I just wanted to make sure she actually went home instead of trying to enact revenge on Snow. But when she made no arguments and used magic to poof us back to her mansion, I knew I’d have to stay. I told her to go take a shower and then tried to understand what was going on.

“Emma Swan, the Savior, comforting the Evil Queen. Well it sure does sound like a twisted fairytale, doesn’t it?”

“Emma?”

I turned around and there she was, Regina, standing in front of me dressed in grey silk pajamas. Her hair was freshly washed and still had that slight shine from when it’s not quite all the way dry. I had to suck in a breath at how beautiful she looked. A small pinch to my arm reminded me that she may be gorgeous but she was Regina, she was the mayor, and she was anything but attracted to me.

_And you’re not attracted to her either, Emma. She’s beautiful, yes, but it doesn’t matter._

Shaking my head to bring myself back to earth, I handed her a glass of cider.

“Regina. How…do you…are you…”

She didn’t respond and simply took a drink of the amber liquid.

I followed suit.

****

Regina

She kept asking if I was alright.

_Of course I’m not alright, you idiot. I’m standing here in my pajamas, drinking cider, with the Savior after Snow White killed my mother._

I set down my glass and indicated to Emma that she should fill it again. How many had I drank? 5? 6? I’d lost count at this point. As I finished off another glass, she started talking.

“Regina? Regina, come on, stop this.”

I simply nodded to her, asking for more alcohol.

“I can’t give you more, we’re out.”

“Well then use your powers, make more.”

“No, Gina, you should go to bed. Seriously. Go get some sleep. I’ll stay over…guest room is across from yours, yeah?”

My ears pricked up at her calling me Gina. There was affection in the way she said the shortened version of my name.

It wasn’t worth fighting.

“I’ll go to bed, but you don’t need to stay.”

She just shook her head. Placing her hand on my back (and I had to ignore the shivers this sent down my spine) she pushed me in the direction of the stairs.

****

Emma

When Regina said I didn’t have to stay, I knew she was lying. I can always tell when she is. Her eyes practically begged me to stay, so I sent a text to Henry and told him to stay with his grandparents for the night.

She walked up the stairs and just as I was about to say goodnight, she shut the door.

****

Regina

She didn’t follow me when I closed the door. As soon as I was alone, my breathing tightened. The next thing I knew, Emma was in bed next to me.


	3. A Solved Puzzle

****

Emma

I must have fallen asleep at some point because I woke up to screams. My eyelids sprang open and I looked at the clock.

Midnight.

Wait, where was I? Who was screaming?

Regina.

I bolted out of bed and ran across the hall. Banging on her door yielded nothing, so I crashed through it yelling for her.

“Regina! Regina!”

She was still screaming, tears running down her face. Her eyes were closed and I knew she couldn’t hear me.

“Come on Emma…what else might work?”

_Comfort._

I quit yelling for her and slipped into bed beside her. Wrapping my arms around her shaking body, I tried to wake her up.

“Regina…shhh…come on, it’s okay. It’s just a nightmare. Wake up Regina. Regina please.”

Finally, the screaming subsided. Her eyes opened and she looked up at me. I expected her to shove me out of her bed, to send a fireball my way, or produce any manner of magic to get me out of her house. Instead, she buried her face in my shirt. Her body wracked with sobs and I held her tighter.

We sat there for what seemed like an eternity but in reality was only an hour or so. When her breathing finally evened out, she shifted and looked up at me.

“Emma.”

Her voice was still cracking. Those eyes, pleading with me for something I could not yet understand.

Before I knew what was happening, she was kissing me. Lips pressed fully onto mine, interlocking like this was always how they were meant to be. For a single moment, I pressed back, holding her vulnerable body close to mine. For a single moment, all was right with the world.

****

Regina

I must have been having a nightmare because when I woke up Emma was holding me. She looked scared; her eyes saying words she could not. With no energy left to fight anything, no motivation remaining to pretend I hated her, I collapsed into her warm chest and released sobs which were years in the making.

At some point, I ran out of tears. I could only look at her.

“Emma.”

I couldn’t stop myself, she was so beautiful and I knew in that moment how much I loved her. I kissed her. There was a moment where she kissed back, where she made our lips a solved puzzle. But then…the worst I could have imagined happen.

She let go.

“No, Regina, we can’t. No.”

I never knew how much I dreaded hearing those words until she said them. Somewhere in my mind I knew that it was too good to be true (after all, how could a savior love an evil queen?) and that the kissing must have been a reaction more than a feeling. Pleading with her to stay, I grabbed her hand and held it tight.

“Please, Emma. Don’t go.”

She got out of bed, whispered “I’m sorry,” and then…she left.

****

Emma

I didn’t stay behind to find out if she was okay in the morning. All I could feel was how my lips still tingled where she had touched them, how everything still tasted just like her, how I loved her so goddamn much.

“Don’t think like this, Emma. She doesn’t love you. She’s lonely. You were there. It was a reaction.”

Running that morning was therapeutic in a way it never had been. Every time my feet pounded on the ground, I reminded myself what this was.

Right foot.

_She_

Left foot.

_doesn’t_

Right foot.

_love_

Left foot.

_you._

****

Regina

After she left that morning, all I could do was lay in bed and cry. When I finally could get up, I searched the whole house for her only to find I was still alone in this mansion.

“You are such an idiot Regina. You kissed her. What in the hell made you do that? This is Emma freakin’ Swan. She’s the Savior. You’re the Evil Queen. Get this through your head. It does not matter how much you love her, she does not love you.”

I dropped the coffee cup I was holding.

“She never will.”

With hot coffee splattered everywhere, I stripped and went to take a shower. The hot water felt wonderful and all I could do was stand under it, begging it to wash away all that had happened.

Just as I was stepping out, there was a knock on the door. I quickly put fresh clothes on and left my hair as it was, not caring much about appearances. Turning the knob, I saw the last person I expected to see.

Her.

“Regina, before you say anything, just let me explain…”

Then, I saw her eyes dart to my face (I watched as they traced my lips) and she ran away. I closed the door and collapsed behind it.

****

Emma

Somehow, my run led me to her house. I was running up the steps, thinking of a million different ways to explain last night to her, when I knocked on her door.

She answered, and for a moment all I could think was that she was more beautiful than ever in her jeans and sweater, her black hair still wet and uncombed. The temptation to reach in and kiss her was almost too great, so I spoke instead.

Halfway through speaking the words to explain that she was too vulnerable right now, that I didn’t want to hurt her, my eyes drifted to her gorgeous lips. I ran.

Over a month passed before we spoke again.


	4. Someone Like Me

***

Regina

With Henry gone, there was no distracting myself from what I felt. I stared at her name in my contacts list and for the thousandth time that day, contemplated calling her even if just to hear her voice and hang up.

I didn’t get the chance. I was interrupted by a knock at my door.

***

Emma

Having showered and mostly dressed, I decided now was as good a time as any to figure out how I was going to deal with…well, everything. It wasn’t fair to keep putting Henry through this and I kept reminding myself of that so I wouldn’t get caught up thinking maybe we could still be together.

“This is all for Henry, Emma. You need to remember that.”

I was searching through my closet for a shirt to wear when I touched it. Closing the soft yarn in my hands, I almost fell backwards as I was struck with the realization of exactly what I needed to do.

It was her…had always been her from the day we met. She told me I had no idea what she was capable of and I wondered if she was capable of loving someone like me. I shoved the blanket, one of my most loved and most precious belongings, into my bag and sprinted down to the car.

***

Regina

Looking through the peephole, I saw her face. My breath tightened and it was all I could do not to bolt the other direction - I was so terrified of what she might say. The pieces of me which still ached to be in her arms won over, and I opened the door.

Standing there - staring at me; just staring - was Emma Swan. The Savior. The product of true love. The bearer of the lightest magic. My true love. And here she was on my front porch. She said nothing.

“Emma, what are you…”

I was cut off by her placing an object in my hands.

***

Emma

The blanket would speak what I could not say. With a note securely pinned to it, I set it in her hands. I didn’t wait for her to read it or say anything.

With the keys in my hand, I walked toward the car to drive around in hopes my nervousness might subside.

***

Regina

Still in shock at what had been placed in my care, I closed the door and removed the note.

_Dear Regina,_

_I wish I had been able to explain to you that morning why I left._

_It wasn’t that I didn’t love you or didn’t care for you (I did. I still do.)_

_You were so vulnerable, so broken. Your mother had just died, killed by a woman who had been your arch enemy. You were drunk. You had just woken up from a nightmare and I was comforting you._

_I didn’t want to hurt you. So when you kissed me and I could feel my entire future on your lips, I ran. So terrified was I that you might realize in a day or two what you had done and regret it. Nothing like that would I wish on you._

_Not only that, I was scared of getting hurt myself. Regina, I have loved you since the first day we met. I walked into this town with nothing but our son and we had such an explosive relationship, you and I. Remember when you tried to put a sleeping curse on me? Those can only be broken by true loves kiss. I truly believe that had you succeeded you would have been the only one aside from Henry with the ability to break it._

_You are my true love. I realized that this morning when I touched this blanket. When you told me that I have no idea what you are capable of, I wondered if perhaps you could be capable of loving me._

_I don’t know if you do. I don’t know if that kiss was vulnerability and loneliness or if it was true emotion, true attraction, true love._

_But now, that barrier has been broken and I can no longer handle not speaking with you. You need to know the truth._

_This blanket…this is one of my most cherished possessions. It is a symbol of love, it is comfort, it is a reminder. I have laid it in your hands to tell you that I trust you even with that which I hold most dear._

_I love you, Regina Mills._

_Truly and as much more than just a good friend._

_If you don’t feel the same, I will try to understand. But I felt it was time I told you everything. So here it is._

_I, Emma Swan, the Savior, am completely, over the moon, to the furthest galaxy and back, in love with Regina Mills, the Evil Queen, the most beautiful woman I have ever met and the woman I want to love forever._

_Love,_

_Emma_

Though tears had stained each section of her letter, I re-read it at least a dozen times before deciding what to do.

The decision wasn’t hard. I brushed my hair into a ponytail and grabbed my keys, heading off in search of my true love.

***

Emma

Staring at the water from my spot on the bench, I couldn’t help but look at my watch, continuing to wonder if she had read it yet. It had been well over an hour since I left her and I had still heard nothing.

“She doesn’t love you Emma. You told her the truth, now prepare for the backlash.”

Then, I heard the unmistakable sound of her car pulling up behind me. I turned around, hardly daring to look.

She came up behind me and handed me a small folded up piece of paper. I assumed it was a note of rejection, and she sat down next to me while I unfolded it. There were tears rolling down her cheeks and I wondered if she wrote because she could not speak.

_Dear Emma,_

_I was, and am, capable of loving someone like you. When you repeated my own words back to me, when you told me that in fact I had no idea what you were capable of, I wondered the same. There were thoughts I could not stop, thoughts that made me ask if what you were capable of included loving someone like me._

_It took you comforting me from a nightmare to make me open up and realize just how much I wanted you, how much I ached for you, how much I loved every piece of you._

_I, Regina Mills, the Evil Queen, am completely, over the moon, to the furthest galaxy and back, in love with Emma Swan, the Savior, the most wonderful and gorgeous woman I have ever met and the woman I want to love for as long as she wants to love me._

_I love you Emma._

_Love,_

_Regina_

I had to reread the letter a few times to let it sink in, and when my tears began smearing the ink, I looked up at her.

“Regina?”

“Yes dear?”

My throat constricted as I tried to speak with crying.

“Is this…true?”

“Was yours?”

I nodded, and looking at her I saw that she was too.

“Say it. Out loud.”

Her brown eyes shifted to look directly into mine. Her soft beautiful hands cupped my cheeks and tears streaming down both of our faces, she whispered the three words I had been longing most to hear from her red lips.

“I love you.”

She swallowed as if trying to maintain composure.

“Emma Swan, I love you.”

I only managed to get out a brief sentence before we both dissolved into the most joyful of tears and kisses.

“I love you Gina.”

She pulled my face into hers and our lips again became a solved puzzle, the lock and key, the perfect combination.


	5. For You

*

Regina

As I pulled myself back to the reality in front of me, I knew I could save her. This was Emma, my Emma, and I would save her. I would bring her back. I would continue to love her forever.

Pulling my face out of her blanket, I spoke to whatever might be left lingering of her in this room, in these strands of yarn.

“I will find you, Emma. I will find you and I will save you.”

I rolled the blanket up and put it in my purse.

“Emma…I’m coming for you. I love you.”


End file.
